Hoarding.

"Hello, my name is Jo, and I am an addict."
*Various voices* "Hi, Jo."

I've started going to a support group for my lack of self control. I never realized it was such a problem til now, but I am seriously too sentimentally attached to. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I won't throw anything away. It's starting to drive a wedge between my sight and the floor. I never thought it would come to this.
But I am strong.
No, I am not going to let it conquer me. Yes, this is all a lie.

Most of it anyways.

I really do think I'm a little too sentimentally attached to my things- I'm no where near needing a support group though. But how can I throw away relics from my memories?!

I spent nearly 6 hours last night packing/sorting through my belongings at my parents house in order to be "move out"-able. I organized like a champ thanks to Cowboy Up and Spotify.

But my gosh. Where did I get all this stuff?! I save everything! I was having mini heart attacks nearly every ten minutes at the thought of someday having to get rid of my boxes upon boxes of movie tickets, school dance corsages, notes, pebbles (yes, there have been times where I have picked up a pebble from the ground in order to remember the time and place of a special memory), awards, doodles, etc.

At the same time I was having screaming fits because I didn't know what I was going to do with all of it!
My plan is to make a bunch of scrap books full of pictures and souvenirs from my past. But until then... I'm stuck with a bunch of boxes. No.

Treasure chests.

 I just never want to forget. I love my life tremendously and I don't want to let go of any of it!
That's why always cry on my birthday.
Birthdays force you to say goodbye to a wonderful year of your life.

You will never have that year back. 

Poof. It's gone. And you don't even have a choice! 

How awful is that?

I somehow feel like my life is so good that it can't possibly get any better. So when a birthday rolls around I'm like, "Great. The only place to go from here is down." Which isn't true of course, considering every year is better than the last... But that isn't the point. The point is, birthdays force you to say goodbye to something that you may or may not want to say goodbye to. And that sucks.

Excuse my birthday rant. It's just that the emotional turmoil I go through every birthday has brought me to a place of great passion on the subject.

And in case you don't already think I'm bipolar, I'll give you (another) reason:
I can't wait for my birthday this year! 19 is such a simple age! I can't wait to be 19 because there isn't anything special about it. Therefore, everything will be that much more special because of how dull it's thought to supposedly be.
And considering that I said "a surprise" when Erik asked what I wanted for my birthday, I am thoroughly stoked.

My birthday is still a few months away, why am I talking so much about my birthday...
Oh right! Hoarding. Forced goodbyes. Birthdays.

Anyways, I'm just about ready to take on this summer. 5 days then it'll be time to head back to Portales for a crazy-good, 10 week, youth group filled, fun-in-the-sun, God worshiping, SUMMER.

I can't wait to start this internship. I can't wait for God to grow me and the youth I'll be ministering to.

Until then, I'll be spending all the quality time I can get with my friends and family. Oh my gosh, Emily and Brittany are graduating on Saturday. What the crap?! Growing up, I hate it. And love it. Bi-polar, I know. But not really. :)