4 Things I Know.

Proverbs 31:25
"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

I've read this passage many times before and have smiled many times before because of it. Because I have pictured myself as that woman. Strong. Dignified. Worry-free.

I read this passage again this morning and was a little disappointed to find myself not smiling. Not only was I not smiling, but I was really not smiling. More like, frowning. Angry.

"Where did that go?! Why am I not HER anymore?! I feel weak and tired and PATHETIC. I need to stop crying and I need to stop worrying. I want to feel better. Because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!
I am not strong.
I am not dignified.
I am scared."

Good.

Whaa?

Okay, hang with me for a sec. Maybe the past couple weeks haven't felt very good, but I choose to believe this is a good thing. Purposed.
4 things I know:

1. It is not my job to figure out what that purpose is.
It's not my job to "figure" anything out. Why? Because why in the world should I focus so much time and energy on "God, why am I going through this/why is this happening?" when He's already got it figured out? It's like a patient asking their surgeon, "Why did you make THAT incision?"

2. My job is to trust my God.
And why the heck should I not? If you know your surgeon is the best- he has (and always will have) a 100% success rate -the only thing to doubt is the surgery... but if your surgeon is the best... what's the issue?

3. The issue is how it feels.
"I feel sad."
"I feel lonely."
"I feel stressed."
"I feel anxious."
"I feel doomed."

I do believe we need feelings. Feelings and emotions can let us experience so much life and feelings can also be a sign that something is wrong:
ex.) Your hand will feel a burning sensation if exposed to an open flame for too long.
ex.) You will feel angry if you see someone beat a child.

Unfortunately, feelings can be a big ol' target board. Yep! And one of Satan's favorite pastimes is a game of darts. Oh yeah, and he'll play all day with his custom made darts. He's got despair tipped, stress tipped, rage tipped, worry tipped, anxiety tipped, and so many other kinds of darts! He's had a lot of practice and can hit the bulls eye every time.

They. Are. Lies.

When I wake up and I feel like a failure? LIES.

When I feel anxious to the point of nausea? LIES.

When I feel like This. Will. Never. End.       LIES.

I was talking with my mom the other day about it all and she reminded me to proclaim out loud God's truth and that Satan has no authority in my heart and in my mind.
Boom. Call 'em as I see 'em.

4. There is hope.
I was reading in Genesis where Moses gives an account for each day of creation. Over and over again Moses writes,
"And evening passed and morning came, marking the first day."
"And evening passed and morning came, marking the second day."
"And evening passed...
... and morning came, marking the third day."
"And evening passed...
... and morning came, marking..."

Darkness doesn't mark the ending. Anxiety. Sadness. Grief. They don't mark the end.
Light. Only light.


2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Binge.

Well it's been 3 1/2 months since I have seen Erik (in person) and I won't see him for another 10 months minimum. It's time to binge write about it. I've gotta say, Skype is a blessing and a curse. I would much rather have the ability to see him while we talk than not, but sometimes it seems to make his absence ten times worse.

 Fun fact: One of my favorite things Erik does on Skype is pretend to jump through the screen. He'll set it on his desk and run up to/charge at it and then cover the camera so the screen goes black. The black screen is then greeted by my imagination, "Yes it worked! Here's a spot for you on the couch." At least I can pretend, right?

The long distance stuff is really starting to get hard. I can push my pride aside and admit that I truly hate not living in the same place. Even if he was a state or two away, that would be gladly accepted compared to GERMANY. Seriously, Germany? I'm ready to be done with you!

Btw, I would love to see what anyone thinks about this. This lady makes some pretty absolute statements about what women/men want from a relationship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe6rR-_M1ac

E: ... in the next X weeks.
J: Oh my gosh. You deploy in X weeks.
E: I know. It's right around the corner. *Stands up* I can see it! Right around THAT corner!

Reality: check. I found out in February that he would be deploying this year and it has always felt so far away, but now it's getting really close. There was a possibility of me going to see him this summer (a few entries back I mentioned something about not wanting to jinx some good news from Erik) since his unit was going to go to San Antonio for training before the deployment. Well I'm pretty sure I jinxed it! His unit isn't even going for the training with how little time is left before the deployment.
*Sigh* disappointment.

"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment."
Henry David Thoreau

WARNING: Content below may be hot with sarcasm.

Jo Price, come on down! You are the latest winner of the "Be Careful What You Wish For Campaign"! You won't have to deal with Germany for another X months! Get ready to welcome your X month long intermission from your New Mexico to Germany LDR. Enjoy all the luxuries of your soldier going to war with this new and improved addition to your life. New features including:
- Less communication
- Deeper loneliness
- Worry like never before
- And so much more!
You'll get this fully packaged experience retailing at 272 heartbreaks for FREE!

I promise I don't think I have it worse than anyone else who has experienced their Significant Other be deployed. In fact, I know anyone who has had their actual spouse deployed or who has kids has had worse experiences with deployment than I will experience during this deployment

Pray for him, please. This is not only going to be a strain on him emotionally but spiritually and potentially physically as well. God is going to do amazing things in Erik and through him during this time; he needs all the support he can get.

I can't say specifics on the internet about when or where he's deploying to due to OPSEC, but I can say that it's going to be hot outside while he is there.
Rightly so, let the care package making commence!

(Erik, if you are reading this, this is the part where you should stop reading. :) Thank you!)

(ERIK. STOP. READING.)

I've neglected Pinterest a lot this summer and now I need it. Thank you past and present military S.O.'s for having so many neat and exciting ideas on Pinterest!

>Letters are a must. After I got his mailing address I sent him a letter every day the post office was open while he was in basic training. I'm pretty sure he ended up with 39 letters and 63 pictures from that endeavor.
But now I have lots of creative ideas of "Open when" letters instead of just the "Letters of every day life."

>Pun Gifts. I sent him some of these for Valentines Day such as, "Shell I be your Valentine?" with a shell attached to the note. Cheesy, I know. But he is way cheesier than I am (I love it)!

>Pictures of course! Still debating whether they should be prints or digital copies on a cd. Maybe a mix of both?

>Decorations. Who would have ever thought of actually decorating the INSIDE of the package you're sending? Not I. But it's a fantastic idea!

>I'm still not sure if food is considered contraband during deployment, I'll have to check on that.

This is all the fun stuff that I actually like about LD. Distance means so little when someone means so much. Just gotta take the good with the bad, right?