On This Day in History.

May 26, 2012

One year ago today-

I graduated from high school
I went to Grace O'Malley's in Ruidoso for lunch
I drove to Portales
                               
May 26, 2013

Today-

I woke up from a deep slumber, exhausted from high school graduation parties the night before
I went to Grace O'Malley's in Ruidoso for lunch
I drove to Portales
                               

I think going to Grace O'Malley's should be a May 26th tradition... Juss sayin'.

Well they say all good things come to an end, and I've gotta say, that's an understatement considering how great the past two weeks have been. Old friends, new memories. Hiking, swimming, bonfires, slack-lining.

Part of me wishes it would never end.
Part of me is more excited for the things to come.
Why exactly can't I have my cake and eat it too?

But here I am! In good ol' Portales, home of the Poor Tails (that was clever in case you didn't catch it... And if you did, well you must go fishing often. "Catch it" get it? Okay I'll stop now). Kaitlin (aka "Future Roommate #1/Best Friend) and I are getting a house together here in July so until then I'll be staying with a lady from my church named Fern. She is so awesome! I hadn't met her before today but still, I just know she's awesome. Wanna know how I know? Well I'm telling you anyway!

So I walk up to the house to meet her and she walks out to meet me right?
- Cute floral top.
- Capris made out the same material of the capris/shorts I always buy.
(I know I sound really shallow right now but I'm not! I promise!)
- Walking outside barefoot. Woman after my own heart...
Then we walk inside
- "Before anything, Jo, while you are here, this is your home. So treat it like your home. Bring your friends over, lounge on the couch, whatever you want to feel at home." Agh. She is so sweet. I wanted to cry.
- She has dogs.
- She said cats smell bad. :) She's great.
- Did I mention that she is a hair dresser?
- We are both the youngests in our families!
- She reminds me of my mamma: Free range duck eggs, cooks with coconut oil, lots of daughters.
- And most of all, she loves Jesus Christ. <3

I could go on forever. The bottom line is that I am so thankful to be able to stay with her. If I knew how hashtags worked I'd do this: #SoBlessed.

So I got all settled in my room and set my pictures frames up on the bedside table: one of my sisters and I, one of Erik and I (don't make fun of me!). Then I went over to the church to work a little more on my soon to be, official office. Now I'm at Burger King (I would be at McDonald's except it's all torn down *insert intense frown*!) using their Wi-Fi. That's the only downside to my living situation, I don't have an internet cable at the moment so until then, no WWW en la casa para yo.

But I don't mind, I truly don't have anything to complain about. Well there is the whole, "I'm so impatient for my awesome summer to really start!!!" but that in itself, is still pretty dang awesome.

Life's good. God is good. God is good even when life isn't. Yep.

Hoarding.

"Hello, my name is Jo, and I am an addict."
*Various voices* "Hi, Jo."

I've started going to a support group for my lack of self control. I never realized it was such a problem til now, but I am seriously too sentimentally attached to. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I won't throw anything away. It's starting to drive a wedge between my sight and the floor. I never thought it would come to this.
But I am strong.
No, I am not going to let it conquer me. Yes, this is all a lie.

Most of it anyways.

I really do think I'm a little too sentimentally attached to my things- I'm no where near needing a support group though. But how can I throw away relics from my memories?!

I spent nearly 6 hours last night packing/sorting through my belongings at my parents house in order to be "move out"-able. I organized like a champ thanks to Cowboy Up and Spotify.

But my gosh. Where did I get all this stuff?! I save everything! I was having mini heart attacks nearly every ten minutes at the thought of someday having to get rid of my boxes upon boxes of movie tickets, school dance corsages, notes, pebbles (yes, there have been times where I have picked up a pebble from the ground in order to remember the time and place of a special memory), awards, doodles, etc.

At the same time I was having screaming fits because I didn't know what I was going to do with all of it!
My plan is to make a bunch of scrap books full of pictures and souvenirs from my past. But until then... I'm stuck with a bunch of boxes. No.

Treasure chests.

 I just never want to forget. I love my life tremendously and I don't want to let go of any of it!
That's why always cry on my birthday.
Birthdays force you to say goodbye to a wonderful year of your life.

You will never have that year back. 

Poof. It's gone. And you don't even have a choice! 

How awful is that?

I somehow feel like my life is so good that it can't possibly get any better. So when a birthday rolls around I'm like, "Great. The only place to go from here is down." Which isn't true of course, considering every year is better than the last... But that isn't the point. The point is, birthdays force you to say goodbye to something that you may or may not want to say goodbye to. And that sucks.

Excuse my birthday rant. It's just that the emotional turmoil I go through every birthday has brought me to a place of great passion on the subject.

And in case you don't already think I'm bipolar, I'll give you (another) reason:
I can't wait for my birthday this year! 19 is such a simple age! I can't wait to be 19 because there isn't anything special about it. Therefore, everything will be that much more special because of how dull it's thought to supposedly be.
And considering that I said "a surprise" when Erik asked what I wanted for my birthday, I am thoroughly stoked.

My birthday is still a few months away, why am I talking so much about my birthday...
Oh right! Hoarding. Forced goodbyes. Birthdays.

Anyways, I'm just about ready to take on this summer. 5 days then it'll be time to head back to Portales for a crazy-good, 10 week, youth group filled, fun-in-the-sun, God worshiping, SUMMER.

I can't wait to start this internship. I can't wait for God to grow me and the youth I'll be ministering to.

Until then, I'll be spending all the quality time I can get with my friends and family. Oh my gosh, Emily and Brittany are graduating on Saturday. What the crap?! Growing up, I hate it. And love it. Bi-polar, I know. But not really. :)

Post Office.

Well I'm here in Home Sweet Alamo and I am so glad because that means:
1. That this horrifyingly dramatic semester is OVER (Erik moving to Germany, his mom trying to split us up, finding out he's getting deployed, someone else trying to get between Erik and I, and deciding to stay a Theatre major all combined qualify as"horrifyingly dramatic").
2. I get to relive some glory days from high school (some, not all. I would need Miranda Scruggs and Andrew Luna for that). Campfires, games, half-price apps. It's my cup of Jo, if I do say so myself.

Yesterday I went to the post office to send Erik a package and while I was taping the box, an old lady walked past me to leave the store. She turned towards me and said,
"Doesn't that tape sound like someone's throat being cut?"

I didn't know what to do! What do you say to that?!

I just kinda stared at her while she continued in making a sawing motion with her hand back and forth across her throat. 
"Doesn't it? Listen!" she said, to which I replied, "I hope not!" She then smiled and walked off.

Agh. Creepy. My mom told me I should have asked her about her husband. I don't think I would want to know.

Along with creepy ladies at the post office, I dyed my hair gray yesterday. Fun experiment, but it didn't turn out the way I had hoped. So I had another shin-dig with ColorOops hair color remover and called it a day. I'm going to try to leave my hair alone for a little while (fingers crossed).

I might have received some good news from Erik today but I don't want to get my hopes up or risk jinxing it by spilling the beans. Sure enough I'll definitely be writing about it if all goes well!

Another cool thing about today, my German (well now, American) neighbor became a naturalized citizen today! How cool is that?! He's the first person I've heard in a long time to sing, "I'm proud to be an American..." Very refreshing.

I'll leave it short and sweet tonight. Just like my hair as of 2 weeks ago.

Relief.

Tonight has been so wonderful!
I had my last performance of the semester tonight and it was great. I was in one of the pieces which was only about a ten minutes long but it was the first theatrical endeavor my roommate has been on! It was so fun. Very artsy and abstract. After the show I went to the brewery with some friends. That brewery has the best chocolate cupcakes in the world. Stout inspired, dessert mana from heaven.
The night before I was in a dance recital for the dance class I took this semester. That was also really fun (despite my lack of dance talent).
I have had to prepare so many things for this week, being the week before finals, and I am so relieved that the bulk is over and out of the way.
I can't really believe that I am nearly done with my first YEAR of college. What? Where did that go?? This past year has felt like 3 months yet this semester has felt like 5 years. I have learned so much and experienced so much this semester- it's unreal.

MYTHS:
1. "There's something magical about life in college, because it's college." <-- That is false. Life feels pretty normal still.
2. "College students are adults." <-- College is just school you pay for, it doesn't keep immature people out.

TRUTHS:
1. You meet some of the most wonderful people in the world in college.
2. It's okay to let go of your fantastic high school life.

For whatever reason, I have been so concerned about my personality coming off too strong or whatever that I haven't been allowing myself to enjoy college. But something clicked in the last couple weeks, I guess I realized that if you be yourself (truly yourself), someone is bound to accept you. And oftentimes, those "someone's" are much larger in number than you can anticipate.

My favorite line I said tonight was this, "With your lips not here, I kiss rubies to remember. When I can't sip from you, I put my lip to the cup's lip. Instead of reaching into your sky, I kneel and take handfuls of earth." 

Not sure how I feel about not being able to see Erik for nearly a year. I can't wrap my head around it. I'll be kissing rubies for quite some time..

 My favorite quote from one of the pieces tonight was this, "I saw you looking for someone. Cheer up! There's always a glimmer of hope. And if you found them once, they'll come back to you eventually, right?" 

I don't know how true that is, but it sure is a lovely thought.