and I don't know how I feel about this past weekend.
It was good going home and spending time with my family
(and getting my laundry done without paying $10 in quarters)
but I guess I just wish it could have been more relaxing.
I wanted to crawl up on the couch with my mom and watch movies all weekend and drink coffee. Instead it was a huge therapy session between me and everyone I came in contact with.
At least that's what it felt like.
And it's not such a bad thing, I'm really glad about it actually, just not very relaxing.
And I don't even know why I'm complaining about this because I initiated all of it!
I just crave for my relationships to grow.
I can't stand the stand-still feeling which comes out of relationships that aren't being propelled.
I will work and work until I feel like my relationships are spinning in the direction they should be.
It was a couple hours before heading back to school that I just fell on the couch and said to my mom, "This is one of those times where I don't know if I'm ahead of the game, need to catch up, or even know what I'm talking about."
I think it's okay though.
God's grace is enough and His promises are true, so even if I am a little crazy, I know He's got me covered.
Speaking of which, it was absolutely great to go to church this past Sunday and worship while my old youth group's worship leader led worship ( ha that was kind of confusing).
When he leads worship, even though I'm in a room with hundreds of people and distractions, I can truly come to a place of just me and God.
And he is the only worship leader I've experienced that with.
God has made him incredible- incredible for His glory.
I cried during worship. All the songs were about fear and I just lost it.
I was telling God how I don't understand why I deal with fear now and never before.
And I kind of just had this "how is it that simple?" moment when He said,
"You've never had anything to lose before."
Ahhh God, You... You know me, much better than I know myself.
Everything, everyday- it's a constant and consistent surrender.
Kelly Clarkson sings these lyrics, "catching my breath, letting it go," and that's exactly how I feel about... this life, I guess.
All the good things, the bad, the eh, the yes, the no- they are all experiences that we catch, that we breathe in, and they are all things to let go.
Nothing is forever except our relationship with God.
That felt good to get out.
What doesn't feel good is how upset I am for leaving so many things at my parents house including:
>My laptop (its not like I have a paper due next week or the first test for my online class... due tonight... nothing like that of course)
>My TOOTHBRUSH! Erg I do that EVERY time.
>My hairbrush, mousse, heat tamer, pair of jeans etc.
Its not that big of a deal I just annoy myself by doing that kind of stuff.
Gosh why can't I remember my stupid toothbrush!?!
I don't mean that... my toothbrush is not stupid. Sorry toothbrush.
I just would think that I would remember to pack the product I use EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Blah.
Not to mention I feel bad that my parents have to mail it to me.
I feel really bad about that.
At least it'll be exciting when the mail comes!
Like Christmas, but without the whole "importance to my salvation" thing going on.
Speaking of the mail, it's Valentine's Day!
Erik's gift arrived and after convincing the lady at the post office that it was not a mistake that the package wouldn't have my name on it
(when Erik ordered it he sent it to my address but with his name lol)
and after convincing Skype to let me see my boyfriend, Erik and I enjoyed a nice little Valentine's day.
I am so happy that he liked what I got/made for him!
I'll include it in my next post (when my laptop is returned to its rightful place).
And I, of course, LOVE what he got me!
A new Pandora charm for my bracelet.
But not just any charm, it's a mini Colosseum!
#52 on our bucket list is to go to Italy and my little charm tells me that we are one step closer.
I love it.
Apparently there is more Valentine's gift waiting for me when I go to his training graduation.
(So excited to see him!)
Of course when he told me that, I said that the rest of my gift was him (duuuh) but I'm thinking it's actually a necklace.
I guess we'll see if I'm right soon enough!
Well that's all I have to unload right now.
That's probably a good thing. ;)
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